


Doubt

by SakuraBreeze



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-01 19:44:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2785433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraBreeze/pseuds/SakuraBreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen never joined the Inquisition as Commander of its forces. He remained with the Order, and eventually became a Red Templar. One day, orders come for him - get close to the Inquisitor and kill her. He begins to have doubts.<br/>Lythana Lavellan is the leader of the Inquisition, and is betrothed to another on Josephine's suggestion. When she meets Cullen, she begins to have doubts as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Seed of Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, this hasn't been beta-ed yet. I'll reread it every so often and correct errors where I find them.

Lythana Lavellan was head of the Inquisition. She led one of the biggest and most respected forces in Thedas. She had started as the First of a Dalish clan, looked down upon by almost every other race, and had risen through the ranks of the Inquisition since that first day in Haven, until she was the most revered person in all the lands. She had succeeded time and time again against Corephyeus, and was due to be married to a well-respected, and extremely handsome, member of the Orlesian Court, that had been recently brought on as leader of the Inquisition’s forces - both on Josephine’s recommendation. Their marriage would strengthen the position of the Inquisition, she had said. Only, something felt amiss – as if there was a gap in her life that needed to be filled.

Cullen Rutherford was a Red Templar. He was high up in the ranks of the Order, second only to Samson himself. He was resilient to the madness that the red lyrium brought about, and so was one of the few Templars left with a clear head, as well as one of the most skilled of those left among their ranks. He had joined the Templar Order with pride and dignity. It had been his reason for living at one part of his life. Now, however, he was beginning to doubt. He was doubting the cause the Templars now fought for. He doubted his orders to kill the Inquisitor.

Lythana was in the Emerald Graves when it happened. She, Dorian, Sera and the Iron Bull were fighting what seemed like an endless stream of demons. One after another, they fell, and Lythana began closing the rift as soon as there was a gap to do so.

“That was awesome,” Bull laughed. “Ten times more demons than usual! I actually broke a sweat!”

Lythana rolled her eyes. “Stop gloating, that rage demon nearly burnt your arm off.”

“It’s true,” Dorian joined in the teasing. “Luckily I was there to protect you.”

Bull made a helpless noise as the rest laughed.

Lythana moved over to the pile of goop the rift had left behind to try and salvage anything useful. Just as she was pulling out some Shadow Essence and wrinkling her nose at the slimy feeling, she heard a grunt and the sound of steel clashing behind her.

She whirled around and jumped backwards to see Bull fending off a Red Templar that must have been about to strike at her. How he managed to squeeze in between them, she had no idea, but she was grateful nonetheless. Suddenly, a large group of Templars descended upon them. At least six archers surrounded them, both on the same level and on higher ground. Four warriors and three rogues moved on them. It was going to be a hard fight, Lythana knew immediately – especially after just having closed that rift.

She sent a fireball at two of the archers and turned away from their screaming to paralyze a warrior that was running at her with a bolt of lightning. Bull took on two other warriors with what seemed like ease, but she knew that he was taking strain. Dorian immediately cast shields on all of them before freezing as many Templars as he could.

They fought for a long time, and as hard as they could, but it was largely futile at that point. They were all exhausted, and Dorian and Lythana were extremely low on mana – but new Templars just kept appearing.

Lythana cast spell after spell on a Templar that was moving surely towards her, all in vain. She cast a look around for help, but all of her companions were occupied with their own enemies. She swore in elvish. This was bad.

Just as she thought that she was done for, a man came in between her and the Templar before her. He fought off the Templar easily, sending him to the ground in a matter of seconds before turning to her.

“Are you alright?” He asked with such gentleness that his voice sent her heart fluttering. She had never seen him before. He had slightly curly, blonde hair, soft brown eyes, and was wearing a red coat with dark fur lining the top.

Lythana nodded. “Thank you.”

“You can thank me when they’re all dead,” he replied lightly before heading into the fray once more.

Lythana had to admit, she was a little stunned. She stood there dumbly for a moment or two, blinking as she watched him fight, before she could muster up the sense to help.

With the man’s aid, the Templars were dealt with in a matter of minutes, and the reinforcements stopped coming. Lythana staggered over to a nearby rock and sat on it with all her weight, leaning on her staff for support as she fought to catch her breath. Her companions all leaned against nearby boulders, eyeing the man wearily.

“Thank you,” she said again when she could breathe evenly once more. “Who are you?”

“Cullen Rutherford,” he introduced. “I am a former Templar, and I wish to aid the Inquisition. I heard that the Inquisitor was travelling in these parts, so I sought you out. It seems that I arrived just in time.”

“A former Templar? I thought all the Templars were either with the Inquisition or serving under Corephyeus,” Lythana said.

“I remained with the Order for a time,” he explained. “But I became… Disillusioned with what they are doing. I left recently. I have valuable information that the Inquisition could use.”

“Does that mean you take red lyrium?” she asked.

“I took it for a time, but I was resistant to its effects. I haven’t taken it for some weeks now.”

Lythana pursed her lips and squinted at him, considering. She looked over to her companions expectantly.

“I don’t trust him, boss,” Bull said.

“He could be useful,” Dorian supplied. “We can have Cassandra watch him.”

Sera shrugged. “If he does anything funny, I can just stick him full of arrows.”

She looked back at the man – Cullen – and crossed her arms over her chest. He seemed to be being open and honest enough. He had admitted that he had been part of the Red Templars up front, much like the Iron Bull had admitted to being Ben-Hassrath when she first met him.

“What can you add to the Inquisition?” She asked.

“I’m a skilled warrior, as you could see,” he replied without missing a beat. “I also have experience in leading troops. Whatever you need me for, I can do.”

“Very well, Cullen,” she said after a moment’s further consideration, holding out her hand. “Welcome to the Inquisition. We’ll be travelling back to Skyhold soon. You can help us fight some more demons in the meantime.”

Cullen took her hand firmly when he shook it. His warmth radiated through his gloves, and sent a barely-contained shiver down her spine.

After collecting anything useful that they could find from the dead Templars, they set off to find the next rift, with Lythana striding confidently at the front, and Cullen trailing slightly at the rear of the group.

What she didn’t see was the dark expression that crossed Cullen’s face momentarily, as the pieces fell into place for him. What she didn’t know was that it was his plan to get close to her, before he made his move – the Red Templars had learned from their mistakes of facing the Inquisitor head-on. What she didn’t realize was that his doubts were already beginning to gain a firmer grip on his mind.


	2. New to Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Lythana arrive back at Skyhold. Cullen is assigned to work with Lythana's fiancé, Arman, and then goes drinking.

“You brought a former Red Templar into our ranks?” Cassandra asked skeptically upon seeing Cullen.

“He saved my life,” Lythana said, possibly for the third or fourth time. “Besides, he wants to help. I see nothing wrong with this.”

“You do realize he will go through lyrium withdrawals, don’t you?” Cassandra persisted. “They will probably be even worse than the lyrium withdrawals normal Templars suffer. We do not know what could happen now that he isn’t taking red lyrium.”

“You’re right, we don’t. Which is why we need you to keep an eye on him,” Lythana replied.

“ _Me_? Why me?” Cassandra demanded, crossing her arms over her chest and scowling.

Lythana shrugged. “You’re a Seeker, right? You have experience dealing with Templars.”

Cassandra made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes. “Very well, Inquisitor. If that is what you wish of me. But what are we going to do with him?”

“He says he has experience with leading troops,” Lythana said. “We should have him work with Arman when he’s not travelling with me.”

Cassandra’s eyebrows shot up. “You plan to take him with you outside of Skyhold?”

“He’s a strong fighter, Cassandra. If not for him, we would likely have been captured or killed. I don’t plan to squander that.”

Cassandra sighed. “Very well. If you think it best.”

Lythana nodded and gave Cassandra a small smile before returning to where Cullen was waiting for her by the main gate. His jaw was set in a hard line, and he looked to be deep in thought about something as he stared, frowning, up at the main tower of Skyhold. Lythana must have been staring for a substantial amount of time, because suddenly he was looking at her.

“Is everything alright, Inquisitor?” He asked.

“Oh, yes, fine,” she stumbled over her words. “Right, yes. You’re to work under Arman for the time being. We’ll also be leaving for Emprise du Lion in the next few days.” She turned and began walking, indicating that he should follow.

“Emprise du Lion? Why there?” He asked.

“Sharnia’s town leader has petitioned for our aid,” Lythana explained. “Apparently everything has frozen over. The Red Templars also appear to be mining red lyrium in the area. We’re going to take care of them while we’re there.”

“I see.”

“Is that a problem?” She asked, eyeing him carefully as they walked.

“Why would it be?” He retorted.

Lythana shrugged. “You might still have past loyalties among the Red Templar ranks. You won’t be hindered by them, will you?”

“Of course not, Inquisitor,” he replied. “I came here to help.”

“Good,” she said.

They walked in silence after that, Cullen’s thoughts undecipherable and Lythana’s heart beating all the faster every time they accidentally made eye contact. At least, Lythana found it easier to convince herself that it was an accident. She was not trying to steal glances at him. She wasn’t.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of climbing stairs, they reached Arman’s office. He looked up at the sound of his door swinging open, and a smile broke across his face at the sight of the Inquisitor.

Arman had dark hair that fell softly on his collar, and dark, green eyes. When she entered, he stood and moved over to her, opening his arms for an embrace. She obliged him, hiding the uncertainty that she felt even now about him, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“I missed you,” he said. She didn’t answer. “Did everything go well?”

She pulled away and took half a step back. “That’s actually why I came here,” she said, gesturing behind her. “This is Cullen. He’ll be working with you from now on when he’s not travelling with me.”

Arman raised his eyebrows. “Is he now? Where did you find him?” He asked, not even bothering to hide the jealousy in his tone.

Lythana frowned at him. “He saved my life, Arman. In the Emerald Graves. He wants to help the Inquisition, so he is.”

“I see,” Arman said, and then held his hand out to Cullen for a handshake. “I thank you for saving Lythana.”

Cullen shook his hand. “I look forward to working with you.”

“And you,” Arman replied, though Lythana could tell he was lying.

“I’ll let you two get to work,” Lythana said before exiting the room and making her way towards her own chambers for a long overdue bath. She hurried through the halls of Skyhold, so as to make sure no one else would interrupt her before she was clean and refreshed once more.

As she soaked, she pondered Arman’s reaction to Cullen. Why was he so jealous? Their engagement was only political, after all. She didn’t know much about how shem conducted these things – in fact she wasn’t even sure why she had agreed to this in the first place – but she was fairly certain that feelings weren’t involved. Would the two be alright working together? Somehow she had her doubts that they would. But Arman wouldn’t do anything to compromise the Inquisition. At least, she hoped so.

When she was done, she put on a comfortable robe and sat at her desk and spent a few hours attempting to complete paperwork and write reports. It went about as successfully as one could imagine with how haggard she was feeling. Eventually she gave up, pushing the papers and her quill to one side, dressed herself in more presentable clothing, and decided to head to the tavern. It was already quite late, the sun having begun to set behind the mountains, and so most had finished their duties and were now heading to various different parts of Skyhold to relax.

When she entered the tavern, to her surprise, she found Cullen there, drinking with Bull. Dorian and Varric were sitting with them as well. She stood in the entrance of the tavern for a moment, watching them. Although Bull had said that he didn’t trust Cullen, they seemed to be getting along quite well now. Cullen said something, and a sly grin spread across Bull’s face. Bull said something in return, and then looked up at Lythana and waved her over.

“Boss!” He yelled, and then added as she approached, “We were just talking about you.”

Lythana raised her eyebrows as she sat down next to them. “Oh, really? Only good things, I hope.”

“Of course, boss,” Bull said with a grin.

“Now why don’t I believe you?” She rolled her eyes.

Bull gave a hearty laugh before taking another swig of his drink. “Cullen, why don’t you go get our Inquisitor here a drink?”

“Oh, no, I’m fine, really-” She began, but was cut off by a look from Bull.

“Boss, you took on how many demons _and_ Templars today? You look like shit. Have a drink.”

Lythana’s mouth fell open in half-shock. She snapped it closed again, mind reeling to come up with a reply. Before she could stop him, Cullen was already at the bar.

“Thanks, Bull,” she drawled.

He just grinned and laughed.

“So what _were_ you saying about me?” She asked.

“New guy over there just wanted to know a thing or two about you,” Bull replied, nodding over to where Cullen was standing.

“Yes, he seemed very interested,” Varric laughed.

“About me?” She repeated, perhaps sounding a little too eager. “Why?”

A knowing grin split across Bull’s face. She didn’t like that grin. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe he’s got the hots for you. It couldn’t hurt to have a nice plaything on the side, could it?”

Lythana felt a blush creep into her cheeks, and while Bull was grinning openly, she could see Dorian and Varric trying to stifle laughs. “Bull!” She exclaimed, covering her face to hide the bright red hue of her cheeks.

“What happened?” Cullen asked, actually sounding concerned, as he sat down again.

“Oh, nothing,” Dorian replied. “We were just-”

“You’re quite right, Dorian,” Lythana interjected. “It was nothing.”

“I… See,” Cullen said with a chuckle, and offered her drink to her.

She took it from him gratefully, hoping that he didn’t notice the way her breath hitched a little when their fingers brushed. He wasn’t wearing his gloves now, and his fingers were warm and rough. Suddenly, she realized that a drink – or perhaps four – wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

******

That night, while Lythana slept, Cullen stood on the battlements, a gentle, but icy breeze lifting his cloak slightly. He held his arm out as a raven approached with word from Samson. It landed on his wrist and remained still until Cullen had untied the note from its leg.

_The master wants her dead within the month. Your lyrium supply will last that long. If you fail, you will be cut off._

Cullen crumpled the paper and stuffed it into his pocket. One month.

One month, and the Inquisitor had to be dead.

But did he really want to go through with that?

He shook his head, clearing his mind of those thoughts. No, he had to go through with his orders. He needed his lyrium. He might still have a clear head, but the withdrawals could still be enough to kill him. He had to kill her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, I'll fix them as I find them


	3. Cold Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emprise du Lion is far too cold for Lythana's liking, so Cullen lends her his coat. Then, she has a nightmare.

They reached Emprise du Lion nearly a week later – snow storms and blizzards had hindered their usual three-day journey at every step. Lythana noted that Cullen was settling in with the Inquisition quite quickly. He talked easily with the others, becoming fast friends with most of them, and was extremely dedicated to the work given to him. Some might call him a workaholic. In fact some – namely the Iron Bull, Varric, and Sera – did so, repeatedly. Lythana couldn’t help but giggle at the indignant frown that appeared on Cullen’s face each time it happened, and tried to ignore the ever-growing warm feeling in her heart.

That ever-growing warm feeling, however, did not help to keep her from shivering when they arrived at the frozen river.

“Are you alright?” Cullen asked when her teeth began to chatter.

“Oh, I’m fine,” she replied shakily. “Just perfect. I’ll be better once we leave this cursed place.”

“Here,” Cullen said. Lythana turned to him to see him shrugging off his overcoat and holding it out to her.

“Are… Are you sure?” She asked, reaching out and tentatively stroking the fabric with her fingers.

“Yes,” he insisted with a warm smile. “I can handle the cold. You should take it.”

“I…” She hesitated. “Thank you.”

She took the coat with some uncertainty, but once she wrapped it around her shoulders she felt more grateful than she had ever felt in her life. The mix of fur and thick fabric warmed her almost immediately, and she pulled the coat more tightly around herself at the pleasant feeling. The smell of Cullen filled her senses. It was a pleasant smell, like the grass and trees just after rainfall. It reminded her of the wilderness, of home, and sent a feeling of unrestrained _happiness_ through her. She pulled the coat up to her face and breathed in deeply, but subtly, praying silently to the creators that no one noticed what she was doing.

They walked as quickly as they could through the tundra, fighting their way through Red Templar after Red Templar to set up camps to hold the area while they headed towards the mine. As they went, huge spikes of red lyrium began to protrude from the ground. She could feel the dark magic emanating from them, which made her feel both temptation and repulsion at the same time.

She could only imagine what the Templars must feel.

They stormed the mine hard and fast. The remaining Templars barely had any time to react. Lythana cast a spell to keep most of the Templars confined to one area while lightning struck at them periodically. The Iron Bull led the assault at the vanguard, while Cullen defended Lythana and Varric from any Templars that came towards them. Lythana cast shields and spells that damaged as many Templars as she could in one go, while Varric took care of the Templars furthest away from them. They took out the Templars with a fair amount of ease. Since Cullen had joined them, he had given them tips on how to defeat the Templars and common strategies that they employed, which made the Inquisition far more effective at fighting them. Cullen was proving to be one of her most valuable allies yet.

Though they had defeated the Templars quickly and easily, Lythana had to admit that she felt a little silly fighting in such an oversized coat. It was deliciously warm and comfortable, but it hung off her shoulders slightly and dragged along the ground behind her. Being an elf, she was petite in frame and nearly half Cullen’s size.

“We should seal the mine,” she said, once they were done gathering useful supplies.

“Good idea,” Varric replied enthusiastically. “The less this stuff reaches the surface, the better.”

“Right,” Cullen nodded, sounding a little distracted.

They all cleared the area, heading for the entrance. Once Lythana was sure that the others were far enough away, she sent a bolt of lightning into the ceiling, causing it to start crumbling down and cave in on itself. As soon as she was satisfied that it was sufficiently blocked off, she turned and began walking away. She should have another camp set up nearby to prevent any more Red Templars from excavating the mine again.

“Let’s go,” she said. “We’ll camp in Emprise du Lion tonight, and leave tomorrow. The sooner we get out of here, the happier I’ll be.”

The sky was already darkening, and when they reached the closest camp Lythana all but collapsed into a deep sleep as close to the fire as she could get.

******

_Lythana stood in darkness. She was unable to see or hear anything. She stumbled forward, her hands outstretched, searching for something. Anything. Where was everyone? Her friends, her clan, her followers? She needed to find them. She didn’t know why, but a desperate need to find them overwhelmed her. She began running forward without abandon, the only thought in her mind was that she needed to find them. Even just one of them. Suddenly, she wished she could take back her wish._

_She was in a ruin. An elven ruin, perhaps? She seemed to be in a hall of some sorts, the walls arching high above her. She looked around. All of her companions, along with the members of her clan, lay around the room, motionless. Blood pooled around them. Lythana felt her heart drop as nausea built up in her stomach. She looked up to see a figure standing at the far end of the hall, facing away from her. She walked cautiously towards the figure, stepping over the bodies of her fallen friends and family. Even now, she felt despair beginning to take over._

_When she was about halfway towards the figure, they collapsed with a grunt. Then, she was running towards them, feet falling perfectly in the clear spaces of the ground. She reached the figure to find that it was Cullen, now lying on his back, one hand clutching at his bloodied stomach and the other loosely gripping his sword. She fell onto her knees next to him, hands flailing as she tried to figure out what she should be doing._

_“Cullen? Cullen, are you alright?” She cried, settling with pressing her hands to the wounds on his stomach. He didn’t answer. “Cullen, it’s okay. I’m here. They- I couldn’t protect them. Any of them. But I’ll protect you. I’ll save you.”_

_“Forgive me,” he whispered, before letting out one, long, last breath as the light in his eyes died._

_She let out a scream. No, no, no. She couldn’t protect him. She couldn’t protect them. They were all dead, all of them—_

Lythana woke up with a gasp. She shot upright, panting heavily. A dream. She looked around to make sure that everyone else was actually okay. She was outside, next to the still-burning fire and appeared to have been wrapped tightly in multiple blankets over all her other layers. She could hear the distant snoring of the others, who must have gone to their tents hours before.

Pressing her face into the palms of her hands, she began to weep softly. She held back her tears as much as she could, so that she wouldn’t wake everyone else. But even so, she couldn’t stop her entire body from shaking. What if she really couldn’t save them? What if she really was unable to protect everyone? What if she failed?

She jumped when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, and looked up from her hands to see Cullen suddenly sitting next to her with his hand on her shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice rough from sleep.

“No,” She whispered. “I couldn’t protect them. All of them were dead. I have to protect them, but I- what if I can’t? What if I screw up and Corephyeus wins? They’ll all die. Every single one of them, dead or driven mad by the red lyrium. That can’t happen. I can’t _let_ that happen. And you. You died, too. I tried to save you, but you still died. It- It doesn’t matter if I die. As long as I can save everyone. But what if I fail, Cullen? What if I fail?”

Wordlessly, he gathered her up in his arms and embraced her tightly. He smoothed her hair and hushed her. They just sat like that for a while – Lythana crying into the crook of Cullen’s neck as she breathed in his scent, while Cullen just hugged her to him. When she eventually calmed down, and was just enjoying his smell, she realized that his muscles were unusually taut. She could feel his tension.

Lythana pushed away her embarrassment and timidness, and looked up at him. “Cullen,” she whispered, a little hoarsely. “Is everything okay?”

He looked down at her with an expression of mild shock on his face. “I’ll be fine.”

“But what’s the matter?” She persisted. “I can help.”

He gave her a wan smile. “It’s the lyrium. Being around it so closely… It isn’t easy.”

Lythana’s face fell. “Oh. I’m sorry for bringing you here.”

Cullen squeezed her for a moment. “It’s nothing I can’t handle,” he assured her. “Sleep now. I’m here.”

“But what about you?”

“You shouldn’t worry about me,” he said.

She frowned at the wording for a moment. _Shouldn’t_. Why was that? Why shouldn’t she worry about him? He was so solid and warm. Perhaps she was still a little delirious from sleep, or maybe it was from crying, but she wanted to worry about him. She snuggled in closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, and quickly drifted off to sleep.

******

Cullen watched Lythana as she slept. Her face looked so calm, so serene. And she was so beautiful. He brushed a stray hair from her face softly, fingers lingering on her smooth skin. She looked so small like this, so fragile.

If he had learned anything since entering the ranks of the Inquisition, it was that Lythana was a strong and vibrant person, especially when there were others to see her. But if he learned anything tonight, it was that she faced her own demons. What would happen if she did fail? What would happen if Cullen succeeded in killing her? Now would be the perfect opportunity to do just that. His dagger was in his belt – all he needed to do was take it out and slit her throat. He could be gone before anyone else realized. But was that really the right thing to do? This bright and vibrant woman that cared so, so much for her companions, that cared even for him already – should he really take her life? Could he?

His hand touched his dagger lightly as he contemplated. After a few moments, he dropped his hand with a sigh and stared into the fire. Before he knew it, he was also asleep, still holding Lythana securely against him.


	4. Drunken Ramblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After copious amounts of teasing and weary travelling, Lythana gets drunk at the tavern in Skyhold. Which, perhaps, isn't such a good idea.

The ride back to Skyhold was embarrassing to say the least. Lythana was mentally kicking herself the whole for allowing herself to appear so vulnerable in front of one of her companions. How could she do that? As it stood, she was an elven mage, which made it hard for her to gain the respect of others. What would Cullen think of her now? Most likely that she was weak, pathetic, incapable. If so, he was probably right. On top of that, Varric and Iron Bull had woken up before she and Cullen, and so had seen them sleeping against one another. The two had gleefully used it to tease her whenever Cullen was just out of earshot – which was frequently, since she was avoiding him.

“So you and the new guy, huh? I knew it would happen,” Bull was saying, a slightly malicious grin plastered on his face. “I know you don’t have much experience, so if you ever need some tips, you know where I am.”

“There’s nothing between Cullen and I,” she scolded indignantly, despite her wishes to the contrary, as she fought to keep the blush creeping into her cheeks at bay. “I was just-”

“Cold? Lonely?” Varric supplied. “Craving his body heat? You know, this would be perfect for a romance novel. The Inquisitor – the most important person in Thedas – betrothed to another, falling for the man who rescued her from danger.”

She groaned. “Varric! Honestly! I don’t know why I haven’t thrown you off this mountain yet.”

“It’s the chest hair,” Varric winked, chuckling.

Bull let out a hearty laugh as Cullen returned from whatever on earth he had been doing, looking far less pale than he had been previously, and sighed. She pulled Cullen’s cloak more tightly around her, relishing his scent as she rode. She had tried to give it back, many times, but each time Cullen just smiled and shook his head, insisting that she should keep it. It warmed her heart. She heard a soft cough from behind her – either Varric or Bull, she guessed – and she sighed again.

Creators, she needed a drink. Varric and Bull were going to turn her into an alcoholic.

Their return trip to Skyhold was far quicker than the trip to Emprise du Lion had been, but it was far more arduous. It was all stolen glances, most of which were caught, and avoidance, topped with the odd chuckle from her companions. So as soon as they were back home, she all but threw her armor to the floor of her room and practically raced to the tavern. Luckily, they had arrived fairly late in the afternoon, the sky already darkening, and so she was able justify getting the largest mug of broth that she could hold.

Sera found her sometime during her third drink.

“What’s this? The Lady Inquisitor drinking herself into a stupor all by herself?” Sera said with fake surprise. “You know, for an elfy elf you’re pretty fun.”

“Thanks,” Lythana drawled.

Sera sat next to her, straddling the bench that she was on. “So – what’s the occasion? Boyfriend troubles?”

Lythana gave her a look. “Nothing really,” she sighed. “It’s just been one of those days.”

Sera raised her eyebrows. “Has it? You wanna know what I heard?” She asked and, even though it was obviously rhetorical, Lythana groaned. Sera just laughed before continuing. “I heard you were seen getting pretty cozy with the pretty boy. Arman isn’t going to be happy.”

Lythana narrowed her eyes at her. “That’s only if someone tells him.”

“And you don’t think anyone will tell him? Gossip spreads fast, Inquisitor,” she teased.

“I’m too sober to deal with this,” Lythana muttered, and then downed the rest of her drink before signaling for another. Sera burst into a fit of snorts and giggles that lasted until her next mug arrived. “You’re not very nice, you know,” she slurred, grimacing. “Neither is Bull or Varric. Why do you have to tease so much? I could tease you, too, but I don’t. Because I’m nice.”

“About what?” Sera scoffed, clearly enjoying Lythana’s inebriated state. “You’ve got nothing on me, Inquisitor.”

Lythana squinted. “About your… Ears.”

“You have the same ears,” Sera pointed out.

“Fine. Your hair?”

She shrugged with a grin. “Doesn’t bother me. I’m more interested in having some fun with this new information.”

Lythana glared at her and then stood abruptly, swaying a little. “I’m going to go find Cole. Cole won’t make fun of me. Cole is a good kid.”

And with that, she turned and walked away, pointedly ignoring Sera’s receding giggles. She climbed the stairs of the tavern, pausing every now and again to regain her balance. She found Cole sitting in his usual corner of the attic, and all but dropped herself next to him.

“Heeey, Cole,” she slurred.

“Hi,” he returned, a little uncertainly.

“How are you, Cole?” She asked. “Are you good?”

“I’m… Fine.”

“Good. You’re a good kid. And don’t let anyone make you doubt that.”

“Thank you,” He said, sounding genuine. “You seem… troubled.”

“Troubled? Me? Pffft, nah,” she waved the notion off. Distantly, she heard the sound of someone climbing the stairs.

“Warmth, enveloping. The smell of grass and nature. Like home,” Cole started going off on one of his tangents. “It comforts. But… This feeling. It’s foreign. Unwelcome. But even so, loved. It feels good to feel cared for, to be embraced.”

“Oh, creators. Not you, too, Cole,” She groaned.

“There you are,” Came a familiar, and somewhat unwelcome, voice. Lythana looked up to see Cullen approaching. She stood, steadying herself against the wall behind her.

“Here I am,” she replied, giggling a little at what she passed for a joke.

Cole suddenly stood as well, his eyes wide in surprise and realization. Oh, no. This was not going to be good. “You… Like him. You want to be with him, but you--”

“Alright,” Lythana interrupted harshly. “That’s enough, Cole. Now be a good boy, spirit, whatever, and go to bed.”

“But I don’t-”

“Off you go,” She persisted, gesturing wildly in a general _away_ direction.

Cole frowned, but seemed to finally get the hint because he was gone all of a sudden. Lythana let out a small sigh of relief, and then began making her own way towards the stairs again.

“I should go… Somewhere, too. To bed. Or the bar. Another drink sounds like a good idea,” she babbled as she went.

“Wait,” Cullen said, catching her by the wrist. He paused. “Are you drunk?”

She paused as well. “That is a possibility.”

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Perhaps now isn’t the best time, then.”

“No, no,” she said. “You came all this way. What did you want?”

“You…” Cullen began, frowning. He sighed again. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I have,” she affirmed, nodding, and then backtracked. “Wait, no. I wasn’t supposed to admit that.”

Cullen’s lips pulled at the corners in amusement. “Why?”

She squinted at him, resolving not to say anything, but the words came out before she could stop them. “You heard what Cole said, didn’t you? I like you, perhaps a little too much. And how I acted was pathetic. And I’m engaged to Arman. But, creators, you have a nice face. And scent. And you make me feel so safe, and-” She stopped, her eyes widening in horror. “Shit. No. I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

Cullen let out a surprised chuckle. It was an entrancingly beautiful sound. She must have said that out loud, because the chuckle turned into a full-blown laugh. Then he looked sad. Why did he look so sad? No, he shouldn’t be sad. Maybe she could cheer him up. She pressed a hand to his chest gently and closed the distance between them. He was far taller than she had realized. Standing on her toes, she leaned in, bringing their faces all the closer together. Cullen’s breath hitched. He stood there, unmoving, with a slightly disbelieving, but wanting glint in his eyes. Her eyes began to flutter shut as their lips brushed together, just barely and –

“Lythana!” Came an angry voice with a thick, Orlesian accent. She let out a startled squeak and took a few steps back, almost falling over. She looked towards the stairwell to see Arman there, his arms crossed over his chest. “Just what are you doing?”

“Nothing,” she said. “Talking, we were just. Talking.”

Arman’s angry frown deepened. “Why did you not come see me when you first arrived? Instead you come to this place and get drunk!”

Lythana paused, frowning in confusion. “I don’t see how-”

“You are coming with me,” he ordered suddenly, moving over to her and taking her by the wrist before all but marching out of the tavern. Lythana didn’t even have time to respond, she was so bewildered.

******

Cullen stood in the attic, more than a little shocked. Shocked not only by Arman’s actions, not only by the fact that Lythana had tried to kiss him, but also by the fact that he had done nothing to stop her from doing so. He squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall back with a sigh as he felt the note that was still in his pocket, trying to remind himself why he was there.

With only a little over two weeks left, he had to act soon.


	5. Apologies and Engagements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lythana decides to apologise to Cullen for her actions. It all goes well until Arman interferes.

Lythana woke up with a pounding head and Arman half draped over her. She groaned quietly and scooted away from him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. It seemed like Arman had dragged her to his room last night. Why exactly had that been again? She tried to push through the pain in her head to remember what had happened after her third mug of broth. It was a little embarrassing, to be honest. She really couldn’t hold her liquor. To be fair, she was quite small, but even so she couldn’t help but cringe internally.

She cringed even more when she remembered what she had done. She had kissed – well, almost kissed – Cullen. She put her face in her hands and groaned again. She had been avoiding him. He had come to her asking why. And she had just given herself more reason to avoid him. No, she couldn’t do that forever. She had to talk to him, to apologise for her behavior. He hadn’t pushed her away, so perhaps—

No. She had to apologise.

She glanced over at Arman, who was still fast asleep, and frowned. He was acting strangely. She had never seen him so jealous and controlling before. She would have to talk to him about it later. Dragging her away like that, complaining that she hadn’t gone to see him first – she didn’t like it. They might be engaged, and maybe she did some things wrong, but yelling at her and forcing her away wasn’t the right way to go about working things out.

Lythana sighed as she stood up. Before anything, she desperately needed to bathe. It wouldn’t do for the Inquisitor to be running around Skyhold unwashed. Luckily for her, it was still fairly early – from what she could tell, the sun had only just risen – and so there were very few people around to see her in her somewhat… Unruly state. She honestly didn’t understand why Arman didn’t just take her back to her own room. It would have made things much easier for her.

When she arrived at her quarters, a servant girl was already rushing about to tidy up. She asked the servant to bring some hot water for a bath, before sitting at her desk and attempting to get some paperwork done before she became too busy. It was a slow process, with her headache and grogginess clouding her mind, but she still managed to get a fair amount completed by the time the servant returned with her water.

The bath was calming, and, while she did not always appreciate or understand the inventions of the shem, she was extremely grateful that baths existed. It allowed her to relax her whole body for the first time in days, and to clear her head completely, if only for a moment. She sighed contentedly and sank further in. She was pulled out of her half-asleep, relaxed trance hours later, the water still hot because of her magic, by a soft knock on her door.

“What is it?” She called.

“Lord Arman wishes to see you,” a servant explained through the door. “Immediately, he said.”

Lythana sighed irritably. “Tell him I’ll see him as soon as I can. I have another matter to attend, first.”

“Very well,” the servant said.

Only when she heard the sound of receding footsteps did Lythana get out of the bath and dress herself again. Suddenly, a feeling of mixed dread, annoyance, and apprehension fell over her. Creators, how did she end up in this situation? Why did she have to have so little self-control? Why did she even agree to marry Arman in the first place? He had seemed so charming and handsome at first, but now… Throughout the time that they had been engaged, Lythana had picked up one or two things about Arman that had seemed off. She had been willing to ignore them, however – to put up with them. But what he was doing now – was it really worth putting up with what he was doing?

As soon as she was dressed, she left her room in search of Cullen. It wasn’t difficult to do so – she just had to follow the scurrying recruits to where Cullen was overseeing their training. It was usually what Arman had assigned him to do while he was at Skyhold. It was, however, difficult to muster up the courage to talk to him. She stood at the edge of the crowd of recruits for some time, just watching Cullen ordering them about and yelling at them. It was strangely amusing and entrancing at the same time.

Eventually, she caught his eye. Though he wore a small smile, his expression was indecipherable as he approached her. His walk was confident and it sent a shiver down her spine, and—

She really needed to stop thinking like that.

“What can I do for you, Inquisitor?” He asked, coming to a stop in front of her.

“I, uh-” She began, but suddenly realised that she hadn’t actually planned what she was going to say. She pursed her lips and looked at the ground for a moment as she shifted her weight between her feet. When she looked up again, Cullen was frowning at her. “I wanted to apologise,” she forced herself to say. “I’m sorry for my behavior, both last night and in Emprise du Lion. It was unprofessional of me. I apologise if I made you uncomfortable.”

Cullen looked at her for a moment, _really_ looked at her, as if he was assessing her in some way. “That isn’t- You don’t have to-”He began, but was cut off by the sound of Arman’s voice. Of course. It had to be Arman.

“Lythana!” He yelled. “Lythana come with me this instant!”

She looked over to see Arman storming towards the two of them, looking angrier than ever. Lythana crossed her arms and stared at him indignantly.

“I’m busy,” she said. “The servant told you that I had another matter to attend first. I will speak with you when I am done.”

“Another matter?” He repeated incredulously. “ _This_ is what you made me wait for? So you could bat your eyelashes some more at this man, like a- like a _whore_.”

Lythana’s stare turned into a scowl, and she straightened her back and squared her shoulders in an attempt to make herself appear taller. “You will _not_ talk to me like that.”

Before she had time to react, the back of Arman’s hand was colliding with her face so forcefully that it sent her toppling to the ground. Arman leant forward, making to grab her by the arm, but there was the sound of a sword being drawn and Arman was stopped in his tracks. Lythana looked up to see Cullen pointing his sword at Arman’s throat.

“You dare harm the Lady Inquisitor?” Cullen demanded. “Leader of our forces and her fiancé or no, your actions should not be tolerated.” Cullen bent down, keeping his gaze and sword trained on Arman, and helped Lythana to her feet. “What should be done with him, Inquisitor?”

Lythana glared at Arman for a moment, contemplating. Then, she lifted her hand, drawing from her magic, and sent a spell flying at him. The ground around Arman froze and ice slowly but surely built upwards, forming a cage around him. When the cage was complete, she dropped her arm and took a step back.

“May the Dread Wolf take you,” she spat, before turning and stalking away.

Cullen called after her, but she held up a hand to indicate that she wanted to be left alone for the time being. She touched her cheek lightly – it was already swelling and she was sure that there would be an ugly bruise there in no time. Lythana headed straight for Josephine’s office, all but barreling through the doors that stood in her way. Fury bubbled in her very core. It must have been noticeable by the way she held herself, because everyone she passed shied away from her. When she reached Josephine’s desk, the woman stood immediately, shock contorting her usually calm features.

“Inquisitor! What is the matter? Your face- What happened?” She asked.

“I am _not_ marrying that man,” she hissed, her voice shaking. Tears were welling in her eyes now.

“Arman? What did he do? Did he- Did he _hit_ you?” Josephine persisted. When Lythana nodded, Josephine took her gently by her shoulders and began steering her towards Lythana’s quarters, where they could speak more privately. Once they were there, they sat on Lythana’s couch, and Josephine asked, “What exactly happened? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Lythana sighed. “Just angry. Arman would probably be dead if it weren’t for Cullen. He- When Cullen arrived at Skyhold, Arman became possessive. Almost intolerably so. I meant to talk to him about it. I was… Speaking to Cullen. Last night, I was rather intoxicated and I nearly kissed him. Arman saw us. I went to apologise to Cullen for my inappropriate behavior. Arman had sent word for me this morning, but I wanted to talk to Cullen first. Then he came, and started yelling. He called me a whore. When I told him not to call me that, he hit me. Cullen stopped him from harassing me further and then I… Put him in a cage of ice.”

“A cage of ice?” Josephine repeated, unable to hide her amusement at that. “Oh, dear.” She and Lythana both laughed. “I must thank Cullen for standing up for you.”

“Don’t worry,” Lythana replied. “I’ll do that. I just… I can’t marry him after that.”

“No one expects you to,” Josephine assured her. “I will have it publicly announced that the engagement is called off by tomorrow. Might I also suggest removing him of his position?”

“Thank you, Josephine,” she said genuinely. “Oh, believe me, I plan to. But who will take his place?”

“I think that Cullen would be a fitting replacement,” Josephine suggested. “If we assign him a second-in-command he can still travel with you.”

“That’s a good idea. Thank you again.”

Josephine leaned forward and pulled her into a tight hug, before releasing her and standing up. “It’s no problem, really. I’ll make the arrangements immediately,” Josephine said, bowing slightly before exiting the room.

Lythana sagged into the cough, letting out a long, heavy sigh. She pinched the bridge of her nose and frowned deeply. Sitting around wondering how this had happened wasn’t going to help her. She needed to go thank Cullen. She stood, apprehension building in her stomach again, before leaving to go look for him.

She found Cullen on the staircase that led up to the Main Hall, clearly on his way to do something.

“Cullen,” she breathed, stopping mid-step.

“Inquisitor,” he returned formally, nodding to her. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she affirmed, nodding as well. “I just- I- Thank you.”

“For what?” He asked in mild surprise.

“For defending me,” she said. “You- Just thank you. If not for you, I’d probably have another bruised cheek and a dead ex-fiancé.”

“Ex?” He repeated.

“I’m not marrying someone like that.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and, after a moment, he reached up and gently brushed the backs of his fingers across her bruised cheek. “It looks painful.”

She froze for a moment, surprised, as her cheeks started to heat. She looked to the side, but didn’t move her face away. The soft touch felt pleasant. “It’s nothing. The only thing it really wounded was my pride.”

He chuckled softly. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said. “I’m afraid I must take my leave now. One of the messengers said that Josephine has important business to discuss with me.”

Lythana nodded. “I’ll see you later,” she said, like a promise, before she could stop herself.

He smiled again. “Indeed,” he replied with another nod, before moving past her to meet with Josephine.

And if Lythana couldn’t prevent herself from turning and staring after him, perhaps a little too wistfully, well – that’s her business.

******

Cullen’s heart fluttered in his chest as he walked away. He couldn't squash the happiness that bubbled inside him as her words replayed in his head.  _Ex-fiancé._

Maker, just what was he doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Cullen POV! The next chapter will be mostly Lythana as well, but Chapter 7 will have a lot of Cullen POV in it :3  
> I hope you guys are enjoying~!


	6. Crestwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lythana gets frustrated with everyone at Skyhold, and so decides to leave for Crestwood. She rebuts the teasing of her companions, and finally asks Cullen what he was going to say.

Everybody stared at Lythana. While she was becoming somewhat used to being the center of attention, this was far too much even for her. They tried to be subtle, but everyone she passed tried to steal glances at the single, purple bruise on her left cheek. By then, they all knew where it came from. Gossip spread fast through the barracks, apparently. And then through every other rank. Arman had long since been cleared out of Skyhold, so it was difficult to keep things under wraps. And it was wearing on her patience quickly.

So, two days later, she decided it was time to go to Crestwood and talk to Hawke’s Warden friend.

The trip to Crestwood wasn’t a bad one. There were lots of smirks from Bull and Dorian whenever Lythana and Cullen rode their horses a little closer together than usual, or when they sat beside one another at their campsites. Lythana was becoming used to it, however, and just rolled her eyes at them.

“You know, boss, with Arman out the way-” Bull was saying while they set up camp one evening. Cullen was off gathering firewood or something like that. She realized that he often just disappeared in the evenings. It was odd.

“I do not want to talk about Arman,” she groaned. “That man was crazy.”

“I’m just saying, you don’t need to hold yourself back around the new guy anymore,” he said, holding his hands up placatingly.

As usual, she rolled her eyes. “You know what – why are you always teasing me?” She demanded accusingly, glaring between Dorian and Bull. At the edge of her vision, she noticed Cullen wandering back with a pile of wood in his arms. “It’s not like you guys can talk. I’ve seen the puppy eyes you two make at each other. You’re not as subtle as you like to think.”

Dorian scoffed. “I do _not_ make puppy eyes.”

Cullen let out a huff of laughter as he dropped the wood in the middle of their campsite. “I think that’s a point of debate, Dorian,” he very unexpectedly joined in the teasing.

“Don’t go denying it now, sugar plum,” Bull winked, which sent Lythana into an almost uncontrollable fit of laughter.

They left her alone for a while after that. Partially because of her unexpected retort, but mostly because of the hordes of undead that began attacking them when they arrived at Crestwood about a week after they left Skyhold.

Upon arriving in the cold, unpleasant, incredibly rainy area, they found a group of travelers, alongside two Grey Wardens, and saved them from attacking undead. When she’d asked if they would help the villagers, and they had said no, she was more than a little irritated. Weren’t Grey Wardens supposed to help people? Wasn’t it their job to protect?

“Why and how on earth would their orders forbid it?” Lythana muttered as she stomped through the mud. “Did their commander know that there were undead running around here? Did she send them off and then go _‘oh, hmm, wait a minute; on the off chance that undead crawl out of their graves and start attacking people, don’t help them, because we don’t want to do the right thing now, do we?’_? Why _wouldn’t_ they help innocent people?” She heard a soft chuckle from beside her and turned to glare at Cullen. “You find this funny?”

He looked surprised for a moment, and then his expression softened. “I meant no disrespect,” he assured her. “You’re just… Passionate. It’s admirable.”

She looked away. “Oh. Well, thank you. That’s very kind.”

She hoped that the haze caused by the heavy rain would hide her slight blush. Honestly, it was almost pathetic how easily Cullen could make her heart beat faster and her cheeks go red.

It was a difficult task, fighting through undead to get to the village, then Creators know how many mercenaries (including what she was convinced was a giant with a hammer, that nearly killed her with one blow to the stomach), then more undead, and then wave upon wave of demons, just to get the undead to stop clawing their way out of the lake. She had to admit, however, that it was fairly cathartic. All her pent up frustration and anger from what had happened with Arman, or most of it at least, left her as that last demon finally fell and the rift was closed.

But, unfortunately, it was replaced by new anger when she found out that the Mayor of Crestwood had fled with his tail between his legs, leaving behind a confession saying that he had flooded Old Crestwood ten years ago. She balled up the note and set it aflame, letting it burn to a cinder in her hand. By the Creators, if Hawke’s friend didn’t have anything useful she was going to make something explode.

When they arrived at the cave where Hawke’s friend was holed up, and the Warden was suddenly pointing a sword at her, it took all her self-control not to blast him with a ball of fire right then and there. Instead, she stood there calmly until Hawke placated him. They exchanged pleasantries and got to business relatively quickly. Stroud, his name was. They spoke about the corruption, the demon army and, at the end of it all, agreed to rendez-vous at the ritual tower in the Western Approach.

“Why must it always be demons?” She complained as they exited the cave.

“You’re telling me,” Hawke sighed. “Honestly, the number of blood mages I went up against in Kirkwall was enough to last me a lifetime. What did I do to have the Maker curse me to face more?”

“Thank you, Hawke,” she said. “I know this is unpleasant for you.”

“It’s unpleasant for all of us,” Hawke shrugged. “Better to help out now rather than wait to be, I don’t know, eaten by demons later, I guess?”

Lythana couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Good point. I’ll meet you at the tower.”

“Until then, Inquisitor,” Hawke returned as Lythana took her leave.

That night, at camp, Lythana felt particularly drained. She sat and stared at the fire grumpily while one of the officers cooked food for them. Cullen, as usual, had disappeared. She was curious about what he was doing when he disappeared. It wasn’t just an occasional occurrence – it happened almost every night. But, she was reluctant to invade his privacy. She convinced herself that he would tell her when he was ready to do so.

When he came back, he took the only available space left around the fire – next to her. For a moment or two, they sat in silence.

She was just about to say something, when he asked, “Is everything okay, Inquisitor? You seem stressed.”

Lythana looked at him for a moment, confused. He was concerned about her?

“Oh, I’m just fine,” she deadpanned. “I just love it when the undead attack innocent villages, and Grey Wardens do nothing about it, and then the Mayor lies about having flooded his village. It’s always a wonderful time.”

Cullen chuckled. “You make a good point.”

She glanced at him again. “Say…” She began, but then pursed her lips.

“What is it?” He prompted after a few moments of silence.

“It’s nothing, I just,” she paused. “When I came to apologise to you. Before Arman interrupted us, you were about to say something. What was it? I just… Want to know that we’re okay.”

His expression went carefully blank, and for a moment Lythana’s heart dropped. “We’re okay,” he assured her. “I was going to say that you don’t have to apologise. That should have been obvious when I didn’t push you away.”

“So then you…?” She trailed off, her eyes widening.

Cullen gave her a small smile before brushing her cheek with a calloused hand. “Goodnight, Inquisitor,” was all he said before standing up and going to his tent.

She stared after him unabashedly, not caring what the others might think. For the first time in a while, she allowed herself to feel a small twinge of hope.


	7. Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen begins acting even more strangely than usual. Lythana confronts him about it.

Over the course of the journey back to Skyhold, Cullen seemed to be becoming increasingly stressed. He fidgeted constantly as they rode and was even quieter than usual. Lythana understood that he was a somewhat reserved person, but she couldn’t help but worry at this point. She watched in concern as he began to stiffen at every noise and glance over his shoulder at increasingly frequent intervals.

He was also beginning to disappear more often. Previously, it had just been once a day when they made camp, like clockwork. Now, he was gone more than he was around the rest of their party. He always managed to reappear whenever there was a battle to be fought, however, and then again sometime during the night. No matter how much she tried to focus on the task at hand, his behavior worried her to no end.

“The new guy’s acting… Odd,” Bull was the first one to speak up about it. “Lover’s quarrel?”

Lythana shook her head. “Nothing like that. I have no idea what’s going through his head.”

“Oh, so you two _are_ lovers?” Bull returned with a sly grin.

She sighed exasperatedly. “That’s not the point I was trying to make, Bull,” she said. “And no, we aren’t lovers for the record. But I am worried. What in the Creators’ name is he doing?”

“Templars always were a mystery to me,” Dorian remarked.

“I’m going to talk to him,” she said, spurring her horse forward.

“Do you even know where he _is_?” Dorian called after her.

“I’ll find him!” She called back as she cantered further into the woods.

They were about two days’ ride from Skyhold now. The thick snow that now covered the ground between the trees made riding fast a difficult task, but she was determined to find Cullen before the day was out. Snowflakes fell softly on her cheeks and turned to bitingly icy droplets water as they rolled downwards. The wind cut through her layers of clothing and leathers, digging into her skin and making shivers run down her spine. But even so, she didn’t stop riding.

She didn’t stop until she found Cullen standing in a clearing with his head tilted to the sky and his eyes closed, looking strangely lost.

******

Cullen’s eyes snapped open when he heard the sound of beating hooves followed by a rider dismounting from behind him. He turned around to see Lythana standing there, her expression filled with a mixture of shock and concern. Her hair was disheveled by the wind, and her surcoat had long since fallen from her shoulders. The cold had penetrated through her clothing so much that her lips were turning blue.

“There you are,” she breathed, and his heart clenched. Had she come looking for him with such abandon that her search had gotten her into this state? He was unworthy.

“Is everything alright, Inquisitor?” He asked.

“Yes,” she affirmed breathlessly, stepping towards him. “I could ask you the same thing. You’ve been acting strangely.”

“It’s nothing,” he replied easily. “You shouldn’t worry about me.”

Suddenly, Lythana was closing the distance between them. “Do not lie to me,” she hissed. “And do not say things like that. Not after everything. Not after you saved me, and not after you…”

“Not after I what?” He prompted, his voice barely a whisper.

“Cullen, I’m a mage. You are - or, were - a Templar. Could you- I mean, do you care for me?” She asked – a question that sent Cullen’s mind reeling. “I worry about you.”

How should he answer? He couldn’t- He shouldn’t care for her. It wasn’t wise. He was supposed to kill her. Samson and their master, the Elder One, had demanded it. Following orders – that had been the only thing that Cullen had ever known. Despite any of his doubts and concerns, it had been the only thing that had kept him going through all the anger and the self-hate. Until now, it seemed.

Now, he found himself thinking about her in all of his free moments. Now, he found himself unable to stop smiling when she smiled, even if he tried. Now, he found himself unable to tear his eyes away from hers as he reached up to hold her face in his hands gently. There he stood, watching her silently as he tried to think of the right words. He felt as if whatever he said in that moment carried the weight of finality.

So, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he leant down and pressed their lips together. The kiss was soft at first, slow – reflective of both of their uncertainties. The feeling of the frigidness of her skin against his made his heart hurt. She was the Inquisitor, sure, and she had faced many more life-threatening conditions. But that she would be so careless in searching for him – how in the Maker’s name could she think that he was worthy of that? She was unaware of all the lies, the deceptions, of how even now he could very well be tricking her.

Even he was unsure as to what his own intentions were.

After a moment, Lythana pulled back. Cullen felt a small clench of disappointment in the base of his stomach for a second, until he saw the smile that had plastered itself on the Inquisitor’s face.

“We should go,” she said, sounding a little sad. “It wouldn’t do for the Inquisitor and her new Commander to get frostbite out here.”

“As you wish, My Lady,” he smiled back at her, as he brushed a hair out of her face. “Go on ahead. I will be with you in a moment.”

She frowned dubiously. “You’ll come back to us soon, right? No more disappearing for nearly a day at a time?”

“Of course,” he replied. As an afterthought, he shrugged off his overcoat and held it out to her as he said, “here.”

She hesitated a moment before nearly diving into it. “Thank you,” she said, wrapping the coat tightly around her. “Don’t be too long.”

“I won’t,” he assured her as she turned and made for her horse, before mounting and riding away with obvious reluctance.

He stared after her for a long while, his head spinning in turmoil. Somewhere along the line, whether he was ready to admit that he cared for her or not, Lythana had found a place in Cullen’s heart.

******

They reached Skyhold once more on the last day of Cullen’s deadline. He had to kill her. Today. Or he would be cut off – from Lyrium, from the Order, from everything he had once known and lived for. It was terrifying. But the thought of her dying in his arms, blood oozing from her lips, just as had happened to his last love in the Circle – that also terrified him.

He paced along the length of his office – the office that had been given to him once Amran was expunged from Skyhold – and rubbed furiously at the back of his neck. Lythana had trusted him with so much – her life, her forces, and her affections. He was in the perfect position to carry out his orders _and_ deal a more than significant blow to the Inquisition. Samson and Corypheus would be incredibly pleased. But could he just do that? Could he just take everything she had given him, which was more than anyone else had in his entire lifetime, and turn it to little more than ash? He paced and thought for what seemed like hours – perhaps those hours really did pass, because before he knew it, the sun was almost set behind the mountains outside.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of a door opening and shutting behind him. He turned to see Lythana there.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, sounding a little uncertain. “You’ve been rather scarce since we returned.”

Even now, while he contemplated ending her life, she worried about him.

Instead of saying anything, Cullen found himself sweeping forwards and capturing Lythana’s lips with his own. A soft, surprised moan escaped her lips, which sent a possessive flare up Cullen’s spine. He held her jaw with one hand and wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling them as close together as was possible. She responded with another pleased noise and stood on her toes to deepen their kiss. He responded in kind by coaxing her mouth open and sliding his tongue against hers. Lythana’s hands came up to grasp Cullen’s hair as she sighed contentedly into his mouth.

Cullen took a few steps backwards, guiding Lythana along while never separating from her, and sat on the couch in the corner of his office, pulling her onto his lap. She let out a surprised laugh as she pulled away slightly and grinned down at him.

“Where did that come from?” She breathed.

“It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while,” he admitted, resting their foreheads together.

Her grin only widened before she pressed her lips to his again. Her hands gripped his shoulders while his rested on her hips, keeping her in place. Their kiss grew in intensity with each passing second, and soon they were all but moaning and panting into each other’s mouths while they rocked against one another. Cullen shifted so that Lythana was under him on the couch and moved to kiss and suck at her neck. Lythana shivered at the feeling of stubble against skin. When Cullen’s fingers began to ghost over her skin under her shirt, however, she stopped him, holding his face in her hands and angling it so that he looked at her.

“What is it?” He asked.

“I just,” she hesitated, biting her lip. “I don’t want to rush things. I’d like to take things slow… To get to know you.”

He gave her a soft smile. “Of course,” he said as he stood, guiding her up after him. “Come with me.”

He turned and climbed the ladder up to his new loft with Lythana following closely behind, guiding her gently to his bed.

“What are…?” She trailed off.

“You’re exhausted,” was all he said by way of explanation.

Lythana seemed to catch on, because another smile swept across her face as she sat on the edge of his bed and began to undo her boots. Cullen left her there for the moment as he went to take off his armor. When he came back, he settled in the bed next to her, and pulled her close to him as she buried her face in his chest. As he heard her breathing quieten, he let out a long, shuddering sigh.

“What is it?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Nothing,” he assured her. “Goodnight.”

She smiled at him before settling her head back down. “Goodnight, Cullen.”

Later that night, before the last toll of midnight, Cullen stood over Lythana, knife in hand. He pressed it to her throat, but the feeling only made her grumble softly in her sleep and roll onto her back, completely and utterly defenseless. And it was obvious that she trusted him.

He swore.

He threw the knife across the room and raked his hands through his hair. He couldn’t do this.

He couldn’t.

******

Lythana woke up the following morning with a distinct lack of Cullen’s presence. She glanced around the room blearily – he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Had he gotten up early, perhaps? She heard soft shuffling from downstairs. He was probably working already. As usual. She smiled fondly to herself as she swung her legs off the bed and stood up.

The morning was fairly chill, a small shiver running up her spine as soon as her feet touched the floor, but she found herself ignoring that as she approached the dagger that was lying on the floor at the far side of the room. She picked it up tentatively. What on earth was it doing here? That was strange.

Next to it, she found a crumpled up piece of paper, seemingly cast aside haphazardly – but it somehow caught her interest. She wasn’t sure why, but suddenly she was picking it up as well and unfolding it in her hands. It was a note, it seemed.

_The master wants her dead within the month. Your lyrium supply will last that long. If you fail, you will be cut off._

Her blood ran cold. Cullen’s goal – had it truly been to kill her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I didn't manage to post chapter 6 yesterday - have two today! :3  
> More Cullen POV~  
> Hope you guys enjoy ^w^


	8. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lythana learns the truth about Cullen.

Lythana stood there with the crumpled piece of paper in her hands. She didn’t know what to do. She kept reading the words on the note over and over again, praying silently to the Creators that she was mistaken somehow. But no matter how many times she reread it, no matter how many different angles from which she looked at it – the words didn’t change. And their meaning resonated deep within her. She knew. She knew that it was her that the note referred to. Who else could it be? Why else would he have tried to become so close to her?

She couldn’t stop the stream of tears that began rolling down her cheeks, nor the quiet sobs that began to escape her lips. She had grown to care for him so, so much. He… Just thinking about him had brought a smile to her face and warmth to her heart. But this? Perhaps she had always suspected it – had always known that something was amiss, ever since he appeared just in the nick of time to save her. Though she didn’t want to admit it – to herself, nor to anyone else – she might just have seen this coming for a very long time.

She stilled and forced herself to quieten when she heard the sound of someone coming up the ladder behind her.

“Lythana?” Cullen’s voice sounded cautious, worried.

“You’re still taking lyrium,” was all Lythana could whisper. She wasn’t ready to face the other part of the note just yet.

“What?”

Lythana spun around and held the piece of paper up angrily. “ _This_ , Cullen! You’re still taking lyrium!” She yelled. “That’s where you disappeared to every night, isn’t it? Or did you think I hadn’t noticed?” Cullen just opened his mouth and then closed it again, and Lythana took it as her cue to continue. She forced the words out, as sick as they made her feel. “Your master wants me dead, is that right? Who exactly is it that you’re working for, Cullen? Or do I have to add another name to the seemingly endless list of people that want to kill me? Another cult with access to red lyrium?”

There was a pained expression on Cullen’s face. He didn’t speak for a moment, and seemed to be searching Lythana’s face. “I was sent here by the Red Templars,” he said. “For corypheus.”

Though she didn’t think it was possible, Lythana’s stomach sank even lower, and an even greater wave of nausea crashed over her. “Corypheus? _Dirthara ma_ , Cullen. How could you do this?” She whispered furiously, tossing the paper to the ground like it was poison.

“Lythana, I’m so-”

“Don’t,” she hissed, shaking her head. “There’s nothing you can say.”

Cullen gave her a small, stiff nod.

“It’s been more than a month, hasn’t it?” She asked, steeling her voice. He nodded again. “Very well. Your lieutenant will take command. I will help you through the withdrawals. Then you’re gone.”

She didn’t even give him time to respond before she was gone.

******

Cassandra clamped the shackles tightly around Cullen’s wrists. The chains bound him to the walls of a cell in Skyhold’s dungeon, one of the nicer ones – if a prison cell could be called that. It had only been a few days, but Cullen was already beginning to feel the effects of the withdrawals. They were probably worse, since he had been taking red lyrium.

Cassandra gave him a dirty look as she stood up. “I don’t know why the Inquisitor is doing this for you,” she said. “Consider yourself lucky. I would not be so merciful.”

Cullen gave her a wan smile. “I do. Thank you, Seeker.”

Cassandra just let out a disgusted noise before leaving, slamming the door loudly behind her.

Cullen sat there in silent contemplation for a long while. He was used to it – he done it many times over the years he spent in Templar training. He deeply, deeply regretted that Lythana found out about him the way she did. Would he have told her eventually? He didn’t know. But this was still a cruel way for her to learn the truth. He… They almost had something together. Maker, he was so close to having _something_ again. His life had been chaos for so, so long, and he was so close to having peace once more. But he had managed to ruin even that.

He wanted it.

He needed it.

The lyrium, he needed it.

It would curb his pain – even make it disappear completely.

He pulled against his shackles slightly – in vain. Where was his lyrium? Where was it?

“I need it,” he rasped to himself, letting his head fall back against the wall.

Pain began pulsing throughout his body. Visions began to flash through his mind. Visions of blood, of dead comrades, people he had killed, people he had let die, people he could do nothing to save. Memories of the Ferelden Circle resurfaced unbidden – the woman he had been infatuated – killed. He remembered the torture, how they had tried to break him. He felt the pain as if the torture was happening to him right then. He felt the blades sinking into his flesh, the magic berating him constantly.

He let out a noise that was somewhere between a groan and a whimper.

Someone, please, help him.


	9. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lythana's companions question her decision, and Lythana can't stay away from Cullen.

“I don’t understand why you’re allowing that man to live, Inquisitor,” Cassandra said, for perhaps the third or fourth time that day.

It had been about a week since Lythana had made the decision to put Cullen in the dungeons while he went through his withdrawals. She hadn’t given her companions much of a chance to protest her decision; she had escaped to her quarters after announcing what had happened as well as her decision, and hadn’t left for a few days. She had buried herself in her work and had refused to see anyone unless they had come to speak to her about Inquisition matters. So now, her companions took every chance that they could to tell her just what they thought – sometimes multiple times a day.

Now, Cassandra was questioning her yet again as they walked through the halls of Skyhold, followed by Leliana, the Iron Bull, and Josephine.

“We’ve talked about this, Cassandra,” Lythana replied irritably. “This is my decision.”

“Yes, but he as planning to _kill_ you, Inquisitor. Perhaps if you just explained to us _why-_ ”

Lythana turned to Cassandra and gave her a sharp look. “Need I remind you that it was _my_ life he was after, and not yours? I understand perfectly well what’s at stake here. But I’m not going to change my mind, nor do I need to explain myself or my reasoning.”

Cassandra glared back for a moment, before softening her expression. “Forgive me, Inquisitor. I have overstepped my bounds. We are just… Concerned.”

Lythana let out a long sigh, and then smiled up at her. “I must apologise as well,” she said. “I’ve been rather highly-strung over the last few days. I’ll be fine, though. Thank you, Cassandra.”

“You may not want him dead, boss, but just say the word and I’ll make sure that his withdrawals are the least of his worries,” Bull spoke up.

Lythana couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that. “Thanks, Bull.”

Bull flashed her a grin and patted her on the back before turning and leaving, apparently satisfied. Cassandra and Leliana both nodded to her as they took their leave as well. Josephine hesitated and gave her a sympathetic look.

“I am sorry things turned out this way, Inquisitor,” she said. “Should you need to talk, I am here for you.”

“Thank you, Josephine,” Lythana smiled. “I mean it. I should… I should see how he’s doing.”

“Last I heard, not well, but he will live. You needn’t put yourself through that,” Josephine replied.

“I expected as much. Still, I feel like I should.”

“You care for him a great deal,” Josephine stated. “This must be painful for you. Seeing him will only make it worse.”

“I know,” Lythana admitted. “I know that, I do. But I have to go see if he’s okay myself.”

Josephine sighed. “Will you at least take some guards?”

“I think I can handle one lyrium-deprived ex-Templar,” Lythana joked, hoping her bitterness was hidden from her voice.

“Very well,” Josephine nodded. “I must return to my duties. Should you need me, you know where I’ll be.”

“Thank you, Josephine,” Lythana smiled. Josephine returned her smile, before turning and leaving. Lythana hesitated before doing the same.

She made her way through the Main Hall and down the stairs into the courtyard, managing to slip largely unnoticed through the shadowy door that led to the dungeons. She descended the stairwell slowly, doubt growing with every step. Should she really be doing this? Was this really wise? Josephine was probably right. This wasn’t necessary. Even so – she felt almost a need to ascertain whether or not he was okay. The withdrawals could kill him, she knew, so until they were done she couldn’t help her need to check on him.

“Inquisitor,” the guard at the bottom of the stairs greeted, saluting. Lythana nodded in return as she strode by, hoping that she didn’t look as uncertain as she felt. She made her way directly to Cullen’s cell, asking the guards posted outside to unlock it for her before dismissing them for the time being.

Hesitantly, she opened the cell door and stepped inside. Cullen sat slumped against the far wall of the cell, pale as a sheet and sweating. Her gut twisted at the sight, a feeling she pushed away in favour of a mask of emotionlessness. When he saw her, he let out a long, shuddering breath and seemed to relax. She wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Inquisitor,” he greeted hoarsely. “This is a surprise.”

“I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead,” she replied with a shrug, before approaching him and kneeling down next to where he was sitting. “Do you have everything you need to get through this?” She asked, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead. Creators, he was so cold. She needed to do something, to help him.

“I’m fine, Inquisitor,” he said, though it was an obvious lie. His voice was strained, and his breath hitched from the pain every now and then. She could easily tell that he was doing his best to look okay – but he wasn’t. Was this how all withdrawals were like for Templars? Or was this because he had been taking red lyrium? Suddenly, he let out a small cry of pain and doubled over, clutching at his sides.

Lythana grabbed his shoulders, trying to steady him. “Cullen? Cullen, are you okay?”

Cullen shook his head, unable to keep up the façade. “I’m sorry, Lythana,” he croaked. “I’m so sorry.”

Lythana pursed her lips, finding it difficult to believe him. She desperately, desperately wanted to. She wanted him to truly care for her. But he was working for Corypheus. So he couldn’t—it had to be a lie. Even so, she still cared for him. So she held him. She held him through his pain, sending small amounts of healing magic through him to ease his hurt. This wasn’t something she should be doing, she knew. It only made things harder for her, it only made _her_ pain worse. But she couldn’t bring herself to leave him alone there. She needed to know he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update! I've just been feeling really uninspired recently v__v hopefully the next chapter doesn't take me as long, but writer's block is a bitch.


	10. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Cullen's recovery is finally complete, he leaves Skyhold and makes a resolution.

Lythana stood upon the battlements, one hand resting on the cold stone and the icy wind blowing her hair back, as she watched Cullen leave. A deep-set frown fell over her features, and she balled her hand into a fist. Despite everything, she felt a pang of melancholy at the sight of his retreating back, hunched slightly against the cold. Memories of his recovery were still fresh in her mind. His cries, his shudders, his pale, sunken face. How she had held him through it, how she had whispered old Dalish tales to him to lull him to sleep, how she had stroked the hair from his sweat-soaked forehead. ‘ _Lethallin,’_ she had whispered as she soothed his pain, like a secret. It was a secret between them: that he was _Lethallin_ to her, both taking comfort in it at the time, but both knowing once he left that cell, it could never be. She longed for him, as his figure became smaller and smaller in the distance, but his betrayal had cut her deeply.

She watched for a long time, until he had disappeared over the mountains, and for some time after that still. She stood there until eventually she heard footsteps approach. She turned just as Dorian reached the top of the staircase, a sympathetic expression on his face.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he came to stand next to her.

“Honestly? No,” She said.

He put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sad smile. “This must be hard for you. I can sympathize.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Indeed?”

“Oh. yes,” he chuckled. “Living in the Imperium, having a lover try to kill you was as common as a dog taking a shit in the street.”

“A crude image,” she said, feeling a small smile tug at her lips. “Lover…?”

“Oh come now, Inquisitor. You two really weren’t as subtle as you thought.”

She let out a bitter huff of laughter. “We were hardly lovers. We hadn’t even--” She shook her head. “But I still care for him, regardless. How are you and Bull doing?” He looked a little startled, and she gave him a sidelong glance. “Please, Dorian. Are you really still going to pretend that you don’t care for the brute?”

He gave a surprised chuckle. “I suppose not. It’s difficult, but things are going well, I think. I hope so, at least.”

“That’s good. You two are good for each other. At least someone came out of this happy.”

“Oh, Inqusitor,” he said sadly, pulling her into a one-armed hug. “You’ll be alright. You’re a beautiful woman, you know. You’ll find another handsome man we can tease you about in no time.”

She sniffed, and settled into the hug. “Thank you, Dorian.”

He gave her an affirming squeeze.

******

As soon as his withdrawals were done and the last traces of lyrium were out of his system, Cullen was gone – as Lythana had wished. He had woken up one morning, the headaches and the fever having all but vanished, and _knew_ that it was finally over. He had called for the guards and told them the situation. They had released him, knowing what Lythana’s orders were. He had left without a word.

Perhaps doing so was a little cruel, but it would make things easier. It would make what he was going to do easier.

He regretted that he had even considered ending Lythana’s life with his entire being. She was such a vibrant soul - a shining light in this dark, blighted world. Truth be told, she was most likely the only reason he had remained sane through the worst of his lyrium withdrawals – her warm, assuring presence had been enough to pull him from his hallucinations and to quiet the dark thoughts buzzing through his mind time and time again. Maker, she was probably the only reason he had even survived. So many times, he wanted to give up. So many times, he wanted the pain to end. But he couldn’t. He had to keep going, if only for her sake.

He owed her for that. He owed her some sort of repentance or atonement. So he had left without a word, decision already clear in his mind. He would atone for what he had been about to do, for how he hurt her.

So he trudged on through the snow, cold biting even through his layers, weak as he was. Even as his limbs shook, from the cold and slight malnourishment, he kept going. This had to be done.

******

Lythana sat at her desk, coat pulled tightly around her even with the hearth warming the room. She buried herself in her work, filling out piles of paperwork and, when she was finished with that, helping Leliana or Josephine with their own. It helped to take her mind off everything. She couldn’t help but notice the concerned glances that her friends and companions shot her way, but continued to pour over her work nonetheless. It was healthier than drinking, at least.

There was a sudden, sharp rap on her door, causing her to jump a little.

“Yes?” she called.

Footsteps, accompanied by the clinking of armour and chainmail, came up the passageway. Lythana turned to see Leliana standing at the opposite end of her chambers. “Inquisitor,” she greeted. “There is something you should know.”

Lythana frowned at the severity of her tone, and stood, moving over to the hearth. “What is it?”

“I have been ordering my spies to track Cullen.”

“You what? Why would you do that?”

“Because I wanted to make sure that he did not have another malicious agenda,” she explained. “But…”

“What? What is it?” Lythana demanded.

“It appears he is returning to Therinfall Redoubt.”

“I see. So he’s going back to the Order.” She thought her heart could fall no further, but it did.

“I am not quite so certain.”

“What do you mean?”

“He failed to kill you,” she said. “The Order will not take kindly to that.”

“So why is he going there?”

“I believe he is seeking some sort of atonement.”

“Atonement?” She repeated, shocked. “What is he going to do, exactly?”

Leliana shook her head. “I do not know. But when he left, he was weak from the withdrawals. Whatever he is planning, I do not think it will turn out well for him.”

“You mean…?”

“I am afraid so. If we do nothing, he will die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry guys. It's been a while xD Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long. Let me know what you guys think~


	11. Therinfall Redoubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen continues on his quest for redemption, Lythana goes after him.

As Cullen made the trip to Therinfall Redoubt, he did his best to build up his strength once more. He would ride hard and fast, purposefully taking the longer and more difficult routes so that the muscles in his legs would begin to burn from holding himself in place. Then, when dusk approached, he would tie his horse to a tree to let it rest, and, after he had set up his camp for the night, he would train. He would practice with his sword, lunging, swinging, parrying, and blocking imaginary opponents; he would run for hours on end, coming back to his camp only when he was too exhausted to take another step; he would do push-ups and sit-ups, hoping to gain back the muscle he had lost during the countless time he had spent writhing in that cell.

But each night, as he laid his head down to rest on the cold ground, weary and feeling almost boneless, it still wasn’t enough. No matter how he trained, he was unable to quite get there – to become as strong as he was while he was on lyrium, to become strong enough to face Samson.

Even so, he pushed on.

******

Lythana left as soon as she could after Leliana had brought her the news, but it wasn’t soon enough for her liking. When Leliana had told her, Lythana had thanked her spymaster politely. As soon as she had shut the door behind her, Lythana had thrown a vase to the floor in a fit of rage and frustration, and then had collapsed in between the shattered pieces, overcome by tears. It was two days later that she left. She brought Bull and Dorian along, knowing that they would understand, as well as Cassandra. She knew that Cassandra would be less sympathetic, but Lythana found herself unable to care what she thought. If she was going to be infiltrating the Red Templar fortress and facing the Order’s strongest members, she was going to need all the strength she could get – and Cassandra was one of her strongest warriors. Perhaps it was an ill-advised plan, rushing out with but two days of planning to infiltrate the stronghold of one of their most powerful enemies in an attempt to save a man who had been after her life, but Lythana had never claimed that it wasn’t. Throughout their journey, Cassandra gave her dirty looks and sighs, but followed her nonetheless. It was most likely only due to Leliana’s good intel on the infrastructure of Therinfall Redoubt, including secret entrances and sewers, that Cassandra hadn’t put up more of a fight.

They rode hard and fast, covering as much ground as they could each day. Despite how weary they grew, they pushed through their exhaustion on the off chance that they would be able to catch up to Cullen before he even reached the fortress. It was unlikely, but Lythana hoped.

Lythana sat with her back resting against a tree after a particularly difficult day of riding. Dorian approached and dropped himself next to her with a huff, giving her a sidelong glance.

“So, I haven’t brought this up yet because we’ve been travelling so relentlessly,” he said. “But I was wondering. This has been quite a sudden change of heart, hasn’t it?”

Lythana shook her head. “I can’t let him die, Dorian. I’ve been thinking – he could have killed me so many times since he joined the Inquisition. But he didn’t. And now he’s going back to a place where he’ll be killed for failing to complete his orders. I want—I need to know why.”

“I think I understand,” Dorian said, looking at the stars. “If I was in your position, I would probably do the same.”

Lythana chuckled. “Glad to hear I’m not the only one here that’s reckless to the point of near insanity.”

Dorian barked out a laugh. “How highly you think of us, Inquisitor.”

She grinned, before standing up. “Goodnight, Dorian.”

“Goodnight, Inquisitor.”

Though she went to sleep that night in a slightly better mood than usual, she couldn’t shake the incessant worry that ate at her from within. And she knew that it would not leave her until she found Cullen.

******

When Cullen finally reached Therinfall Redoubt, he was surprised to find the front gates standing wide open, and unguarded. He drew his sword with one hand and tightly gripped his shield with the other as he began his cautious approach. When he entered, he found that it was not as empty as it had first appeared. Red Templars were everywhere, seemingly going about their business, but all had stopped in the middle of their tasks to stare as Cullen went by. It was more than unnerving. But even so, he walked on. He continued through the doors to the interior of the Keep. There, at the other end of the main hall, he found Samson.

“So the traitor finally returns,” Samson remarked in that infuriating tone of his.

“Samson,” Cullen said with a nod, by way of greeting.

“I suppose you’re here to try and kill me?”

“I think you already know the answer to that. Why else would you let me walk in here?”

“Indeed. Corypheus wants you dead for your treachery, so I thought I’d indulge you in a duel.”

“You are too kind,” Cullen sneered as he dropped into a fighting stance. Samson drew his own sword and shield, and did the same.

******

“We are nearing the fortress,” Cassandra said as they rode.

“And still no sign of Cullen,” Lythana replied, biting her lip.

“We will find him,” she assured her.

“Hopefully he’s still alive when we do.”

******

Cullen blocked a heavy blow with his shield and pushed his opponent back with a cry of effort. He lunged at Samson, bringing his sword down from above, but the other man blocked his attack easily and landed another hit to Cullen’s side. Cullen jerked out of the way of yet another slice.

The situation was becoming dire, he knew. But there was no way he could escape. Samson already had the advantage over him from the start of the fight, having been at full strength while Cullen was still recovering his own. Now, Cullen had only managed to strike Samson shallowly once or twice, while Samson had left him with multiple wounds thus far, and Cullen was weakening quickly. There was nothing he could do at this point other than to make Samson work for it.

He slashed at Samson, perhaps a little wildly, and managed to catch him in the neck and leaving a deep gash that would bleed out quickly. For a moment, he felt an accomplished smugness. But only for a moment. He suddenly felt searing pain where Samson had struck him previously, followed by a disturbing wetness. He looked down to see Samson’s sword buried deep into his flesh, and blood already pooling on his armour and clothing. He stumbled backwards with a gasp of pain when Samson all but yanked the sword out of him, and fell to the floor.

As his vision blurred and began to fade, he heard distant shouts and someone calling his name.

******

The gates of Therinfall Redoubt had been unguarded. Even so, they had decided to sneak in through a sewer gate on the south side. As they crawled, they heard the distant sounds of two men fighting.

 _Cullen_ , Lythana had thought. _Please be safe._

 After several torturous minutes of anticipation – as well as crawling through vile muck – they had found themselves within the halls of the Keep. They ran, following the sounds, without much incident. Only a sparse few times did they have to fight off a group of two or three Templars.

When they reached the main hall, Lythana stopped dead in her tracks. She vaguely felt Dorian run into the back of her and curse, but only barely registered it. The scene before her made her blood run cold.

Cullen had slit the neck of the man named Samson (who she recognized from the assault on Haven), but Samson, in return, had his sword driven into Cullen’s side. Samson collapsed backwards after having pulled his sword from Cullen, something of which Lythana took little notice, just as Cullen fell to the floor, clutching his side.

“Cullen!” She yelled. “Cullen, oh, Creators no!”

“So much for the element of surprise,” Dorian muttered from beside her, but did nothing to stop her when she ran forward.

She dropped to her knees next to Cullen’s motionless form, hands flailing slightly as she tried to think of what to do. She put her ear close to his mouth, and found that he was breathing – albeit barely. It was good enough for her. Then, he was squinting up at her with a smile tugging at his lips. It was a small smile, but it was so full of relief that it made her want to cry.

“Lythana,” he breathed, his voice hoarse. “You’re here.”

“Cullen, don’t talk,” she said. “You need our strength.”

“I’m so glad I could see you again,” he continued. “I’m sorry. For everything. I--”

Lythana was just about to interrupt him when he fell unconscious once more.

“Bull!” She called. “You carry him! We have to get him out of here!”

“Right, boss,” Bull said, already beside her, and lifted him over his shoulder.

“We can’t very well drag him through all that muck,” Dorian pointed out. “His wound will get infected in two seconds flat.”

“Then we fight our way out through the gates,” she said flatly.

“Sounds good to me,” Bull said. “You know how I like a good fight.”

Lythana nodded, and then led them into the courtyard. As soon as the Templars saw them, the battle began. Lythana immediately created a wall of fire in front of her and Dorian once Bull had set Cullen down next to her, and then created a rift to suck in the most powerful enemies. Bull and Cassandra hacked and slashed, while Dorian supported them with shields and necromancy. Before she knew it, it was over. But Cullen was far too pale.

“We need to go!” She called. Bull picked Cullen up again, and then they were running through the gates. Once they were a safe distance away, they patched Cullen up to prevent him from succumbing to his wound immediately, and then began the race to Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter!  
> Un-beta'ed so if you see any glaring mistakes, I'd appreciate it if you let me know :3 I will be going through it again tomorrow though to check again  
> I hope you guys enjoy!


	12. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Lythana are home again, and finally talk.

Cullen didn’t awaken for days after they arrived at Skyhold. On the trip home, Lythana had done her best just to keep Cullen from slipping away. She may have been a mage, but she was no spirit healer. So while she had managed to keep him alive as they barrelled back towards Skyhold as fast as they could, he had reached critical condition by the time the healers had looked at him.

Now, he lay on the couch in his office, sleeping – having been unable to lift him up the ladder to his bed. Lythana watched the slow, but steady rise and fall of his chest and listened to his laboured breathing. His eyes twitched beneath his lids on occasion, indicating dreams that Lythana wished she could see. Then maybe she could see what his heart truly held. He had gone to kill Samson, one of Corypheus’ most powerful supporters – had nearly died himself in doing so – in what Lythana could only guess was some insane quest for redemption. That meant something, didn’t it? That he truly had gone against his orders for her? She hoped it was so.

She reached forward and stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, stubble softly scraping against her skin. In his sleep, he sighed – seemingly in contentment – and leaned into her touch.

“Oh, Cullen,” she muttered to herself. “What a mess this has become.”

“It is quite the mess, isn’t it?” Came Dorian’s light voice from behind, causing Lythana to jump a little. Dorian chuckled. “Sorry for sneaking up on you like that. I just couldn’t resist.”

Lythana sighed. “I don’t know why I’m friends with you.”

“Nor I. But you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid. I came to see how you were doing, and to tell you that Cassandra is looking for you.”

“I’m… Alright. I’m worried on his behalf, and I have no idea what to make of this situation, but I’m alright,” she said, standing up and facing Dorian. “You mentioned Cassandra was looking for me?”

“Yes, she wanted to come herself in fact. But I was afraid she would tear the face off of our strapping young Templar friend over there.”

“Is she that angry?”

“No, not really. I think she’s just worried for _you_ , actually. Despite what the Seeker would have us believe, she does care for your wellbeing,” Dorian explained, his expression softening.

Lythana giggled. “She is soft at heart. Have you seen those romance books she reads?” Lythana joked, a grin splitting across her face. “ _Oops_. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that.”

Dorian barked a laugh. “Oh believe me, I already know about those. There’s a few in the library that she takes on occasion when she thinks no one is looking. I’m always looking.”

Lythana burst into a fit of laughter, and Dorian joined in. Lythana felt better than she had in nearly a week – her talks with Dorian always cheered her up. He may tease her relentlessly, but he was undoubtedly a good friend.

Their laughter was cut short by a soft groan from behind them.

“He’s awake? So soon?” Lythana wondered aloud, moving to sit next to Cullen again.

“I’ll fetch the healers, and tell Cassandra you’ll be delayed,” Dorian said, as he exited the room.

“Thank you, Dorian,” she called after him, before turning her attention to Cullen. “Cullen, are you alright?”

“That depends,” he said, sounding genuinely confused. “Am I dead?”

“No, Cullen,” she replied, unable to hide the amusement in her voice. “It is, however, surprising that you’ve woken up so soon. You were injured badly.”

“How long was I asleep?”

“A few days, but the healers wanted you asleep for a few more.”

“I’m surprised you came for me,” he admitted, just as the healers came into the room and moved Lythana aside.

“We’ll talk later, Cullen. About everything. I must go see Cassandra now,” she said, hovering at the doorway. Cullen merely nodded, wincing slightly in pain.

As Lythana exited onto the battlements, she felt relief wash over her. Despite the betrayal she had felt when she found out about Cullen’s true intentions, she couldn’t force herself to stop caring. But she pushed those thoughts from her mind from the time being, able to do so now that Cullen was safe, and prepared herself for the lecture Cassandra was bound to give her.

She found Cassandra in the War Room, glaring at the pieces upon it.

“You wanted to speak with me?” Lythana asked as she entered.

“Yes,” Cassandra affirmed. “Now that Cullen is no longer in danger, what is to become of him? He cannot go unpunished.”

Lythana sighed. “You’re right, I’m afraid.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened a little. “That was… Unexpected.”

Lythana gave a small laugh. “My affection for Cullen has not made me completely stupid. But I don’t quite know what to do with him yet.”

“I see, and I am glad to hear it.”

Lythana nodded. “We will discuss the issue further once Cullen is healthy enough to receive punishment.”

* * *

 

Lythana attended to a few other duties for the next few days. It was about time that she actually did work for the Inqusition other than chasing after and fretting over Cullen. And by the Creators, there was a lot of it. All the paperwork she was behind on took her until the early hours of the morning, when only the night guard was awake. Then, she had to judge various criminals and talk diplomacy with innumerable nobles of different descent (with the help of Josephine, of course). She also had to work with Cassandra on coordinating the troops, as they lacked one Commander for the time being. By the time she eventually staggered up to Cullen’s room, she was already worn out – but their talk could be delayed no longer. She creaked his door open to find that he was no longer on the couch, and must have been moved to his desk sometime since she last saw him. She climbed the ladder and poked her head through the hole.

“Cullen?” She called.

“Inquisitor?” he questioned blearily, sitting up.

Lythana climbed the remainder of the way up and went to perch on the foot of Cullen’s bed. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

Cullen shook his head. “Lythana, I-”

“Answer me something, Cullen. And I want you to be honest. I just need to hear it.”

He nodded. “I will answer whatever you ask of me.”

“Was it truly your intention to kill me when we first met?”

He paused. “It was.”

“I see. And… Did you still intend to do it when I found out? Do you still intend to do it now?”

“Of course not.”

“Why did you go after Samson, even knowing you would likely die?”

“I wanted to redeem myself to you.”

Lythana let her expression soften, and her lips pull into a small smile. “I care for you, Cullen,” she said. “But I’m a mage, and an elf, and the Inqusitor. Could you—Do you truly care for me, too?”

“I do, of course I do,” he said. “I was already beginning to have doubts about the Order when my instructions came. And when I met you, you just gave me even more reason to doubt. How could I kill someone so beautiful, so kind, and so passionate about such just causes? You are truly one of a kind, and I curse the fact that even part of me once considered doing such a horrible thing.”

Lythana felt heat creep into her cheeks, and couldn’t stop the grin that broke across her face. “First a Templar, an assassin, then Commander, and now a poet. Who knew?”

Cullen huffed out a laugh. “Trust me, being so eloquent is not always easy around you. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted _anyone_ in my life – and I did not expect to find that here, or you.”

Lythana stood and moved around to the side of Cullen’s bed, taking one of his hands in hers as she went, and leaned down to kiss him. Their lips met in a sweet, chaste kiss.

When she pulled back, she let out a small sigh of mixed contentment and sadness. “I won’t lie, Cullen – I still feel hurt over your reason for coming to the Inquisition. But I do not feel that you are lying, so I will forgive you. However, that does not mean you can go unpunished.”

“I understand,” he whispered.

“We’ll discuss your punishment when you’re healthy again. For now… Could I stay here for the night?”

Cullen smiled broadly, and it made Lythana’s heart all but skip a beat. “Nothing would make me happier.

Lythana smiled in return, and slipped off her boots before climbing into the bed next to him. That night, they laid in each other’s arms and both slept more peacefully than they had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was okay!  
> Again, un-beta'ed so I'll fix mistakes as I find them. Only one or two more chapters to go! Smut is coming, I promise (no pun intended).  
> You can find me on tumblr at commander-handsomeface.tumblr.com :D


	13. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's punishment is decided.

It was about a month and a half later that Cullen was finally fully recovered. One of the healers had told her that normally it would have taken longer – at least another month – considering the amount of blood loss and damage he sustained, but luckily enough they had had a small excess of healers at that time, and so could have an almost constant rotation of mages working on him – save for resting hours. Lythana had thanked her profusely, and had promised an upgrade of resources and infrastructure for them. The healer had looked pleased at this, and had left almost immediately to relay the news to her colleagues.

Despite the fact that Cullen had mostly been bedridden in that time, and that he had very few visitors, they had hardly managed to find time alone together since their talk when they had first arrived at Skyhold again. Both Leliana and Cassandra had insisted on having guards posted within Cullen’s quarters, to make sure that he didn’t do anything suspicious – and when the Left and Right Hands of the divine team up on something, there is _very_ little room for argument. Because of this, it had mostly been soft smiles, slight touches and regular check-ups between them, but nothing more. It had been somewhat disappointing for the both of them, but there had been nothing they could do about it.

Now, Lythana paced in her quarters. Cullen was healthy again, for which she was relieved, but it meant that she would soon have to pass some sort of judgement on him. He had killed Samson, yes, and that had proved to them where his true loyalties lay, but he could not come away from the ordeal with no punishment whatsoever. But what would be fitting for this situation? She had passed judgement on almost countless criminals and enemies of the Inquisition before, but never on someone she cared about. How was she supposed to go about this? After pacing for about ten straight minutes, she decided to go to Josephine for help. She was objective enough to be both firm and fair.

When she pushed through the door into Josie’s office, Leliana and Cassandra were already there talking to Josephine. They turned to look at Lythana as she entered, as if they had been expecting her.

“There you are,” Leliana said. “We were just about to come looking for you. I presume you have given some thought to Cullen’s punishment already, yes?”

“I have,” Lythana affirmed, coming to a stop in front of the three of them. “But I’m having trouble, as I’m sure you can imagine. I was just about to come to Josephine for advice. I don’t know how to be objective about this.”

“That is actually what we were just talking about, Inquisitor,” Josephine explained. “We have some suggestions for you.”

“Well, I would love to hear them.”

“You needn’t be too harsh on him,” Cassandra said. “He has already proven his worth and loyalty to the Inquisition by killing Samson, and risking his life to do it no less. But he cannot remain here.”

Lythana frowned. “You’re suggesting exile?”

“In a sense,” Cassandra replied.

“What we are suggesting,” Leliana interjected, “is a sort of pseudo-exile for a short time. He must leave Skyhold, but continue to work for the Inquisition. He may return once Corypheus is defeated and there is no chance of him betraying us.”

Lythana sighed and rubbed at her temples, scrunching up her face. “We can’t say for certain that that will be a short time, but it’s better than exiling him for good. Very well. Cassandra, you’ll be our acting Commander for the time being, until Cullen returns or we find a replacement. Show me some suitable places we can send him,” she said, moving past them and towards the War Room.

Cassandra nodded, clearly satisfied by her decision for once. “As you command.”

Once they were inside the War Room, Cassandra began pointing out locations that needed troops, and places that were infested with enemies. Lythana soaked it all in, trying to calculate the best place to send him. After another fifteen minutes, she had made her decision. She thanked Cassandra, and made her way to her throne, tasking Josephine with sending people to bring Cullen forth as she went. She sat apprehensively for a few minutes as she waited for Cullen, fidgeting and bouncing her leg and wishing this ordeal would be over already.

When Cullen arrived, Josephine read out his charges as methodically as ever.

“As you well remember, Cullen Rutherford, former Commander of the Inquisition’s forces,” Josephine was saying. “He had orders to take your life, and was working for the Red Templars in secret while he served the Inquisition. Though he killed Samson, the leader of the Red Templars, his crimes are still notable.”

“Indeed,” Lythana said distractedly, and let out a sigh. After a moment, she stood and adopted her most commanding voice. “You have proved yourself loyal to the Inquisition, and to me. But, as Josephine said, your crimes cannot be ignored. Therefore, you will join the troops I am sending to Western Orlais and fight on the front lines there until Corypheus is defeated. You will be charged with destroying Venatori outposts, and putting a stop to their activities in the areas along the west. Once Corypheus has been brought down, you will be free to return to Skyhold.”

Cullen bowed his head. “Thank you, Inquisitor.”

* * *

 

Lythana stood on the battlements again, watching Cullen go for a second time. She felt as melancholic as she had the first time, but with a small flicker of hope.

* * *

 

Cullen spent a long time fighting in Western Orlais. He fought countless Venatori, but never any Templars – something that had be purposefully coordinated, he thought. It was hard, but it was worth it. He found a sense of purpose in his task, as if he was finally redeeming himself by working for the Inquisition in such a manner. He made many acquaintances among his fellow soldiers, and perhaps even a few he could call friends. But none helped how terribly he missed Lythana. In the months that he spent fighting on the front lines, he missed her every moment.

He wrote to her frequently – more frequently than he had ever written his siblings, he was ashamed to admit – and whenever he received a letter in return, it was as if someone was lifting a heavy burden off his shoulders. Any news of her brought a smile to his face. He even started wrote to his sister Mia once, apologising for failing to keep in contact and for everything he had done, as well as informing her of his newfound cause.

Cullen found himself missing Lythana the most when he heard of the Inquisitions larger endeavours against Corypheus.

When he heard about what happened at Adamant – how Lythana had been trapped in the Fade and had gone up against a massive demon – he felt a stab of crippling worry, and a rush of relief that she was safe.

When he heard about the Empress’ ball at the Winter Palace, he felt envy that he did not get to dance with her, despite the fact that he didn’t dance.

When he heard about the Arbor Wilds, he felt more worry, and yet more relief – and wished he could be with her to hear her excited gushing about the history of her people she had uncovered in the Wilds.

When he heard about the final battle with Corypheus, it was as if all the energy left his body. It was finally over. Lythana was safe, and he was alive. And it was finally time to go back to Skyhold to be with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it's after midnight for me and I've just written this but I'm yolo-ing and posting it anyway even though I haven't read through this. Please let me know if there are any like weird errors (like me using the word 'day' instead of 'sleep' or something its happened before).  
> I hope you guys enjoyed! One more chapter to go!  
> Let me know what you think :D


	14. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finally returns.

Cullen blocked a ball of fire with his shield as he advanced on the Venatori Enchanter. Inquisition Soldiers to his left and right did the same. An Archer, as well as a mage of their own covered them from behind. There were three enemies left on the battlefield – two mages, and one warrior. The warrior charged at Cullen, but he blocked and countered with a deftness that he had only just recently recovered. The man fell easily. They continued their advance and soon cut down the last of the Venatori forces.

Once it was done, Cullen sheathed his sword and set down his shield, and let the tension go from his limbs. This was the last Venatori outpost. Now that it was emptied of enemies, Cullen’s mission was finally complete. He could finally go back to Skyhold.

“Excited to get back?” One of the warriors, Elsen, piped up from beside him.

“I am,” he replied.

“Heard you and the Inquisitor were _close_ ,” Elsen said, letting a mischievous grin break across her face. “Excited to see her again?”

“And where did you hear that, exactly?” He countered, unable to hide the amusement in his voice.

“Oh, a little bird told me. So? Are you?”

“Seeing her again won’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me in the last few months,” he joked.

Elspen squinted at him for a moment. “Are you joking? Is that a thing you do, joke?” She said incredulously. “You must be in a right good mood for you to be cracking jokes like that.”

Cullen merely chuckled, before moving to help with the cleanup.

* * *

 

After Corypheus’ defeat, everyone celebrated – Lythana included. But once the celebrations were over and things had calmed down around Skyhold, she became eager and impatient and didn’t bother hiding it. The last of the Venatori outposts in Orlais were taken care of within a month, so Cullen’s arrival should come any day now.

Even with that knowledge, the longing she felt for his presence did not wane. So, she buried herself in her work, and stalled any trips outside of Skyhold as long as possible so that she didn’t miss him. She was met with endless teasing from her companions, but she merely retorted with equal amounts of teasing. She had uncovered enough dirt on the lot of them in the last months that they had almost nothing on her in comparison.

Eventually, she began running out of work to do around Skyhold. So she sat in her room, filling out the last of her paperwork at as slow a pace as possible. She moved her pen over the paper, making sure each stroke was perfect. Perhaps she was being a little silly at this point. There were more pressing matters at hand, like overseeing work to put the different regions back in order. Yes, she should go. Cullen would be back by the time she returned.

Just as she was about to leave to start making preparations, there was a knock on her door.

“Yes?” She called.

A servant came in, and bowed. “Lady Inquisitor, Leliana wished me to inform you that Ser Cullen has returned,” the servant said.

Lythana felt a thrill of excitement, but did her best to mask it. “Thank you.”

The servant bowed again before leaving. As soon as the servant was gone, a wide grin split Lythana’s face. She quickly made sure she was presentable, before squaring her shoulders and walking out the door. She made her way out of the Main Hall, and down the stairs towards the main gate. She made sure that she looked like the Inquisitor every step of the way. Until she saw Cullen. As soon as he was within view, her grin returned. When his eyes fell on her and a soft smile formed on his lips, she was unable to stop herself. She ran and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. He let out a surprised chuckle and wrapped his own arms just as tightly around her waist. They stayed like that for a long while, ignoring the world around them.

“I missed you,” Lythana murmured.

“I missed you, too,” Cullen replied. “I’m so sorry, for everything.”

Lythana pulled back slightly and cupped his cheek with her hand. “You don’t need to apologise anymore. I forgave you a long time ago.”

Cullen smiled, and then pressed his lips to hers. Their kiss was innocent at first, nothing more than a peck, but there was fire behind it. Lythana pulled back again, and chuckled at the look of disappointment on Cullen’s face.

“Come,” she said, taking his hand and leading him away.

“You aren’t going to give me time to settle in?” He said in a teasing tone.

Lythana snorted. “Of course not. You’ve been away for months, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

Cullen chuckled again. “I can’t say I mind.”

Lythana glanced back at him for a moment and gave him a coy smile, ignoring the whispers of those they passed. As soon as they were within Lythana’s chamber, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders again and pulled him into a kiss once more. This time, it became heated quickly. Lythana’s mouth opened for Cullen as he slipped his tongue inside. She let out a small moan at the feeling of their tongues sliding together and Cullen pulling her against him. When they needed air, they pulled back, letting their foreheads fall against one another.

“I thought you wanted to take things slowly,” Cullen said, sounding breathless.

Lythana paused for a moment, looking at him thoughtfully. Then, she gave him a cheeky smile. “I think I’ve waited long enough,” she said, and then added, “Unless you don’t…”

Cullen’s hand came up to cup her cheek. “I just want you to be sure after everything that’s happened.”

“I’m sure.”

Cullen smiled. “Then I’ve waited long enough as well.”

Cullen pressed his lips to hers again, one hand gripping her hip while the other remained on her cheek. Lythana stepped backwards, pulling Cullen with her. When her calves hit her bed, she let herself fall onto it with Cullen following suit. He moved to mouth at her neck while fiddling with the buttons on her shirt. The feeling of his stubble against her skin sent a shiver down her spine, and a soft moan escaped her lips. He smiled against her and nipped lightly at the crook of her jaw. When he finally got her shirt off, she shoved his coat from his shoulders and realized that he was still wearing armor. She gave him an impatient look.

“Off, now,” she said, gesturing to his… everything.

He let out a surprised laugh as he sat up and obliged her, unbuckling and stripping his armour at a painfully slow pace. Eventually, she sat up as well to help him, fumbling clumsily at one of the buckles and giving a triumphant “ah-hah!” when she finally got it right. He stood to remove his knee and shin armour, and Lythana couldn’t help but feel a wave of frustration at the loss of his warmth. When he straightened again, she moved towards him, still on her knees. She placed her hands on his hips and pressed kisses to the trail of hair that disappeared underneath his trousers, slowly making her way towards them.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cullen said, cupping her face with his hand.

And that’s when she heard the shocked gasp that dissolved into laughter from her entrance hallway. She swore and quickly pulled her bedsheet around her shoulders, already feeling her face warm. Cullen stiffened, squaring his shoulders and trying to look as dignified as possible when he turned to see who was there.

Lo and behold – it was Dorian.

“Oh, you needn’t worry, dear,” he said to Lythana. “Cullen should probably be the one covering up in this situation.”

Cullen raised his chin indignantly and looked as if he was about to say something when Lythana interrupted. “Creators, Dorian, don’t you know how to knock?”

“Oh, I did,” he said. “Many times.”

Her cheeks only became hotter as she sighed. “Well, what is it? What was so important that you had to come barging in here?”

“Cassandra, actually,” he explained. “She knows that our strapping young Templar has returned and wants to see him immediately. And you – if you have the time, of course.”

“Fen’harel’s teeth,” she muttered. If she didn’t go see Cassandra now, she would just come barging in here herself.

“Indeed,” Dorian replied. “It’s certainly a good thing I insisted on fetching you instead of her. Maker only knows what kind of fit she would have had if she’d seen you two.”

“ _Okay_ , Dorian. Thank you. You can go now, and you can assure Cassandra that we’ll come to her _right away_ ,” she wasn’t able to hide the frustration in her tone – which only amused Dorian further.

“I’ll be sure to do just that,” he said, before turning and sauntering out.

Lythana let out a groan and covered her face in her hands. “Creators help me.”

Cullen let out a strained noise. “Well that was… Something.”

“Rather,” she said. “Well, we should go see Cassandra. What’s another few hours on top of a few months?”

She stood and began to redress, helping Cullen do the same with his armour. When they were presentable again, Lythana leaned up and pressed a peck to Cullen’s lips.

“Well, then. Let’s go face Cassandra,” she said.

He took her hand in his as they made to leave. “I can’t imagine it will be as bad as last time.”

“As long as she’s in a good mood,” she joked.

* * *

 

They found Cassandra and Leliana in the War Room, along with Dorian standing in the corner looking as if he had just struck gold. She shot him a glare but didn’t bother to kick him out. Not even when he shot her a wide grin and waved in return.

“So, he has returned,” Cassandra commented.

“What Cassandra means to say,” Leliana said. “Is that – what will you do with Cullen now that he is with us once more?”

Lythana looked at Cullen, considering. “I will make him Commander again,” she said.

“Yes, Commander of the Inquisitor's bed,” Dorrian muttered from the corner, barely stifling a laugh.

She shot him a sharp look before continuing. “And to satisfy those who would still doubt him, I will put him on probation – to be watched by Cassandra until such time that she is satisfied that he will not relapse or anything of the like.”

Cassandra nodded, apparently satisfied, as did Leliana.

As they were leaving, Lythana smacked Dorian upside the head.

* * *

“So what now?” Cullen asked as they stood on Lythana’s balcony, looking out at the mountains. He stood behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder and hugging her around the waist.

“Now? We rebuild the world, I guess,” she said. “Together.”

He took one of her hands in his and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I really apologise to those who were looking forward to smut or whatever, but it just wasn't working with me this time around. So better this than nothing, right?
> 
> Anyway, so that's this fic done, finally! I hope you guys enjoyed!  
> I'd appreciate it if you let me know what you think and how I could improve for future fics :3


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